[New York, NY. April 1, 2023 Special Edition]

ROCCO SPOON is thrilled to announce that he has been signed to an HBO Special!  It’s $9.99 for the first three months, then $14.99 a month for the next year.

Seven of DONALD LOFTUS‘ eight interns have been sentenced to 5 to 7 years for being assholes. The eighth intern is dead. Y’know, POPPED HIS CLOGS.

FRANKIE ‘THE FLUFFER’ VERROCA has been booked for a gig doing what earned his middle name.

MRTN PFFRKRN needs your help. These are difficult times for ALL. Many of our members need EXTRA help. Please make a donation, (no matter how small), to The Buy-A-Vowel Foundation. “The brain cells you save, may be your own”

SUE PHILLIPS just booked a MAJOR sponsor! Navage’s “You gotta clean that %@#$& out, before you can smell ANYTHING” tour

BARRY REITMAN will be featured in something, somewhere, at sometime; once he remembers WHERE he put his lighter

JOY MARTIN has admitted that SHE wrote all of the books that Game of Thrones is based on & hired BERNARD BOSIO to portray her pseudonym “George R R Martin”

BERNARD BOSIO has been revealed to be “George R R Martin”, pseudonym of JOY MARTIN; & “Orson Welles”

ROSINA FERNHOFF has been hired by the Broadway League, to give TED talks, on “How NOT use to your computer, to see Zoom shows”

In stunning casting news, Sesame St has decided to replace recently deceased Bob McGrath & Oscar the Grouch w/MARTIN & RAYMOND ALVIN, respectively

Lumify has hired WAYNE JOSEPH to be their next spokesperson, since he epitomizes the adage “the eyes are the windows to the soul”; on Zoom, anyway

SHARLENE HARTMAN will be receiving the “Mickey Rooney/Judy Garland Let’s Put On a Zoom Show” award & then auctioning her items to help fix her house

MICHAEL BLIZZARD has been hired to dub over Kristin Chenoweth’s voice, for her new Broadway show ‘The Queen of Versailles’